If you are like me wondering why some couples get married once and stay with their partner for the rest of their lives, we are apparently not alone.
It’s a mystery why some get the chance to stay in a relationship until their last breath. And why the most of us are still stuck in the dating scene for as long as we can remember.
It maybe a choice, but for most, it’s trial and error. Often times, the latter and we have to endure five or so breakups before we finally tie the know – but then end up in a nasty divorce in court.
One site bravely declared that they have decoded the secret to a lasting relationship. I immediately read it. The article suggested that instead of looking for a beautiful or financially equipped partner, we should look for someone who is self-aware.
According to the Hindustan Times:
…suggests paying attention to how the person talks about their past relationships. She wrote, “People who don’t have much relational self-awareness tell stories (especially love stories) that are full of blame and shame. They tend to cast themselves as victims and other people as suckers, losers, or fools.”
On the other hand, a relationally self-aware person might say something like, “It wasn’t the right time for us,” or “It was painful, but I learned from the experience.” As Solomon puts it, they can appreciate the “shades of gray”. Once you’re in a relationship, notice how the person handles himself/herself during conflicts.
A person who is self-aware knows what causes a problem and knows how to resolve it by pinpointing the trigger. They will be able to deal with defensiveness, withdrawal and other defense mechanisms the other shows on impulse.
The trick now is to be self-aware ourselves before we look for a partner. What do you think?